Many people find it difficult to relax during sex, which can make it difficult to enjoy the pleasure and intimacy of the experience. This can often be caused by nervous thoughts that can roadblock sexual pleasure and lead to issues like lack of lubrication or erectile dysfunction.
Try practicing the following relaxation techniques before and during sex to help you tune into your body and relax.
Focus on your body’s sensations
Many people struggle to stay present during sex. This isn’t something to be ashamed of. People leading stressful lives or dealing with internal anxieties often bring their attention to the outside world into the bedroom, and this can interfere with pleasure. Trying to overcome these difficulties takes work, but it’s possible to make it easier to feel present during sex by practicing mindfulness techniques.
Mindfulness is a technique that helps people become more aware of the moment-by-moment experiences that happen in their daily lives. In addition, it has been shown to help people with sexual dysfunctions, such as erectile problems and lack of orgasm. Practicing mindfulness can increase sexual arousal, enhance intimacy and improve satisfaction with sex.
One way to practice mindfulness is to focus on your body’s sensations during foreplay. When you’re preparing for sex, take some time to slowly and sensually caress your partner with your fingertips, backs of the hands, palms and breath. Concentrate on the texture, temperature, stroke and pressure of each touch.
This kind of touch can relax both you and your partner, and it’s an excellent way to build foreplay. It can also reduce nerves during sex because it allows you to connect with your body without putting pressure on yourself to reach a certain sexual goal. In fact, research has shown that women who experience nervousness during sex benefit from the kind of pre-sex touch outlined above.
Breathe deeply
The way you breathe has a big impact on the pleasure you feel in your body, including during sexual activity. For instance, shallow breathing can trigger arousal and increase blood flow to the pelvic area, while deep, slow breaths can relax the body and lower your stress levels, making you more likely to enjoy your orgasms.
For a more sensual experience, try to synchronize your breathing with your partner’s. This technique, which is known as synchronized or syncopated breathing, is great for building intimacy and creating a sense of connection. To do this, try counting your breaths to help you stay focused. A simple pattern to start with is inhaling for a count of three, holding the breath for a count of four, and exhaling for a count of five.
Changing the way you breathe may take some practice, but it’s worth the effort to find a breathing pattern that feels good for you during sex. Just remember to focus on your partner and their skin when doing so, and don’t forget to breathe!
As an athlete, you know that consciously practicing your breath is key to improving performance. It’s also a great way to enhance your pleasure during sex or self-pleasure activities. Just be sure to practice your breathing techniques before sex so that you can use them in the moment, when they can really help you orgasm harder and longer.
Listen to your partner
If you find yourself distracted during sex, try to re-engage with your partner. This may involve moving around, changing positions, using toys or making sounds. It can also be about responding to the pleasure (or discomfort) you are feeling, such as licking or biting lips, squeezing their arm, kissing or even taking a quick sip of water. Talking to your partner about how you feel during sex can help, too. If you are nervous, telling your partner might help them know that it’s normal for some people to get distracted, and it’ll make them more likely to be supportive as you work on overcoming this challenge together.
Lastly, remember that it’s okay to be nervous during sex. It’s not something that you should try to hide or pretend doesn’t happen, and it can be a great way to connect with your partner in a more intimate and honest way.
It’s a good idea to talk to your partner about how you feel, particularly if you haven’t done so already. But it’s important to choose a time and a place where they are comfortable talking about this subject. Talking about these issues at a time when they’re nervous or even after sex can cause them to feel embarrassed or defensive. You’ll want to make sure they are ready to discuss this topic before you bring it up.
Talk about what you enjoy
If you’re finding that your sex isn’t as pleasurable as you would like, it might be because of nerves. Overthinking how you want sex to go, worrying about safety or the risks of STIs and pregnancy, and having other thoughts that distract you from paying attention to your partner can make it difficult to feel connected. If your nervous thoughts start swirling, pause what you’re doing and address them. For example, you could say, “Hey, I’m having some nervous thoughts right now.” It can also be helpful to tell yourself something like, “Stop worrying about the future. Focus on the pleasure of this moment.”
If it’s appropriate, you can also talk about what you enjoy during sex with your partner to get them in the mood. You can even use moans or groans to communicate to your partner what turns you on. This may help them learn what to do that makes you feel the most excited in bed and boosts your sexual experience.
Finally, you can practice relaxing during sex by using foreplay before it starts. This can include activities like having deep conversations, massages, and playing with each other’s genitals. You can also create a sensual atmosphere by lighting candles, turning off the lights, and playing with colors to set the tone—red stimulates passion and romance while blue induces calm.
