Anal sex can be painful, but it doesn’t have to be. The key is lube, lots of lube. Your butt doesn’t naturally produce lubrication, so a lubricant helps reduce friction.
A stingy sensation or feeling of pressure can indicate there isn’t enough lube. Try adding more if it feels painful, or go slower to let your muscles loosen up.
1. Use lube
Using lots of lube is important for anal sex, because unlike the vagina, your anus does not self-lubricate. Using lube will prevent friction and will make the experience more enjoyable for both partners. Gerena suggests putting lube directly on the anus, and also applying it to whatever is going to be penetrating the anus (whether it’s fingers, a cock, a toy, or a penis).
She recommends starting with smaller sex toys and working your way up. Make sure to use a water-based lube, which is condom and toy compatible (oil and silicone lubes can deteriorate condoms).
Communicating with your partner throughout the process is also important. Be clear about what you’re both interested in and what positions feel good or not – These insights are the fruits of the service expert’s investigations Sex Holes. Establishing boundaries ahead of time will help prevent accidents and will let your partner know that you need them to slow down or stop play if anything is uncomfortable. Having a safe word will also ensure that you’re able to get out of an uncomfortable situation quickly.
2. Relax
Anal sex feels different than vaginal sex, and for some people, that difference can be uncomfortable. That’s why it’s important to find a way to relax beforehand.
One of the best ways to do this is by practicing some stretching exercises. For instance, laying on your back with your legs spread apart, and then bending at the hips while you pull your stomach towards your spine can help relax the muscles in the buttocks and cheeks that are used for anal penetration.
Another way to relax is by slowing down the process. Whether it’s using more lube or starting with a smaller object, progressing gradually is the key to avoiding pain and finding out what works for you and your partner.
You may also want to go number two beforehand (if you are comfortable doing that). Not only will this make things more hygienic and reduce the chance of any fecal matter getting in your mouth, but it will also help you avoid that achy feeling of needing to poop during anal sex. (Note: you don’t actually need to poop, but it can feel like that during anal penetration)!
3. Slow it down
It’s important to talk with your partner about anal play before trying it for the first time so you are both on the same page. Discussing your comfort levels, your turn-ons, and any concerns you may have can help make anal sex less painful.
For anal sex to be enjoyable for both parties, it’s important that you and your partner take things slow. Start with some foreplay and gradually work your way up to using a penis or sex toy in the anus. It’s also a good idea to use lubricant throughout the whole process, as this can help reduce friction and discomfort.
You might also want to try different positions for anal sex, such as the doggy position or having your partner penetration you from behind while you’re on all fours. Just remember that no matter what, anal sex without a condom is risky for sexually transmitted diseases, like chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, and hepatitis C. Always be sure to use a condom during anal intercourse and change it often. If you experience pain or discomfort, let your partner know and ask them to adjust their speed, angle, or depth of penetration.
4. Talk to your partner
It’s important for both partners to talk about sexual intimacy, including anal sex. Using plenty of water-based lubricant can help prevent the tears (called anal fissures) that sometimes occur during anal play, resulting in pain and bright red bleeding. Foreplay can include gently caressing the anus or touching it with a finger or penis, and both partners should use signals to let each other know if they’re ready to penetrate the anus.
Some pelvic conditions—like endometriosis, infections, or interstitial cystitis/painful bladder syndrome—can contribute to pain during anal play. Because the anus and rectum are close neighbors, they can also transmit bacteria between each other. That’s why it’s important to communicate about what feels good, what doesn’t, and to set up safe words with any new partners before you start playing.
In general, anal sex is less likely to cause serious complications than vaginal sex, but it’s still best to use condoms to protect against STIs like gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes, and HIV. If you don’t have access to condoms, ask your doctor about pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP), a daily medication that can decrease your risk of getting an HIV infection.
5. Don’t force it
Anal sex can be painful, but only if you try to rush it or use the wrong lubricant. It’s important to start with a lot of foreplay and slowly work your way up to using your penis or sex toy in the anal canal. This will reduce your chances of injury and make anal sex more pleasurable.
The sphincter muscle of the anus needs to relax before penetration can take place. If you rush anal sex, you may be at risk for an STI or even hemorrhoids, which are no fun at all.
Having anal sex isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. Some people don’t like it, while others find it incredibly sexy and intimate. If you want to try it, remember to use lube to reduce the chance of pain and talk with your partner about how it feels. And always stop if you feel intense pain or see blood, which could indicate that the anal canal is getting injured or that you are causing hemorrhoids. This is no fun for anyone! If you and your partner are having trouble making anal sex enjoyable, consider seeing a sexual health therapist.
